Control

I plan to spend some time reading Nehemiah this week, and I found it fitting that a couple verses from Proverbs came to mind tonight as I prepared. Fortified cities and walls were so critical during these times that many passages used these as metaphors. Either fighting on the outside, or defending from the inside, walls played a vital role in survival.

I found it quite fitting that instruction around two key areas of my life find their way into these metaphors: Anger, and Self-Control

When I'm feeling angry ...

"Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city." - Proverbs 16:32

When I'm feeling out of control ...

"A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls." - Proverbs 25:28

Yet at the core of these is a deep idol of control ... I like it, I want it, and I don't like giving it up.

Ironically I never had control to begin with! Yet too often I find myself in a wrestling match with God, until He gave me enough time to repent and His finger is placed on my pressure point as I come crashing to the ground.

The sin of control is so strange to me ... unlike other selfish sins (greed, lust, gluttony, etc.) control never feels good even for a moment. One can maybe see that the temporary satisfaction that the others bring may seem appealing at first, but control never gives me any satisfaction - yet I constantly find myself, sometimes subconsciously, grasping for it.

And this grasp for control leaves me feeling ... well ... angry ... and out of control.

So if I want to truly be mightier than one that can take over a city, or defend my city from being broken into and left without walls, rather than fighting, I must do the unnatural ...

I must surrender; surrender my life and will to Him.

Sound weak? Hardly ... if you know how mighty my Sovereign God is, it's about the biggest power move I can do!

So ... today has been a refreshing reminder of where my strength actually lies, and it's the farthest thing from my control. Which really is for the best, because as Matt Chandler often says, "I would make a crummy god."

His,
~Matthew

Prayer Request: Prayers for discernment as I pray to see where and what He wants me to build to further His kingdom - not when I retire, not next month, but now ... 

Praise: Thankful for a beautiful day of worship and word at church today - thankful for sunshine, pools (even thought slightly leaking!), and fishing poles ...