Thursday, October 11, 2012

Toxic Relationships


There are some things I come across in my life that I simply know to stay away from consuming! Walking down the streets shopping in the UK on one of my last business trips, I came to find an interesting candy store. In an effort to search for some yummy treats for the kids (which I did find), I saw this, a candy blood bag! The idea turned my stomach, and I wasn't sure if I was going to get sick or just continue laughing with a squinted face! Obviously the creator of the candy was in fact creating something to be slightly gross in an effort to entertain. However, I have found that I need to stay away from consuming other things as well.
 

I've been finding that some relationships in my life also need to be avoided. I often battle the idea that the responsibility of having a Light is to bring it into darkness. While in many respects that is absolutely true, there are limits. At some point, the relationship may start to become toxic. When ears and hearts are hardened, and attacks of ill intent begin, it may be time to prayerfully walk away; shake the proverbial dust off our feet and move on.

I can use Facebook as a prime example of this issue. I have many friends who don't share my views of Christianity (or politics, a big one this time of year). However a vast majority show respect regardless. Only a handful of individuals have I identified as toxic and separated from most of my information, posts, and additional communication. Their attacks on my views are not debates, they are venomous insults. They create a breeding ground for dissension, hate, and slander (sometimes in the name of tolerance).

These are not protesters; these are individuals whose motive it is to silence opposing views by use of anger, slander, and ignorant assumptions. I know many that would love to share their heart but are concerned about the backlash and attacks. This is abuse. This is violence. While certainly not as intimate and damaging as the way verbal abuse is to a spouse, this type of abuse is still destructive to society as a whole, and hurtful to many individuals. I find it offensive that if these types of conversations and ways of talking were had in a marriage, that many would raise flags of emotional and verbal abuse. Yet outside marriage, in a "regular" relationship, these attacks are viewed as acceptable.

I will protect my family, my home, and my life from evil. I will not allow toxic relationships to disrupt my walk.

I also encourage you to prayerfully discern these toxic relationships in your life. While there may be ones that are difficult (or near impossible) to remove, think about how you can limit the abuse. Again, these are not people who disagree with you, these are people who want to aggressively silence you. While these individuals are free to speak as much as you and I are, we also have the responsibility and opportunity of limiting our exposure to such toxicity.

If you do step away, I ask that you continue to pray for those individuals in that their hearts would be softened, and that a relationship can be redeemed (primarily one between them and God). However until then, don't feel obligated to stand consuming something that is toxic when He has amazing plans for you. Shine the light on darkness, yes! But don't let the darkness back you into a corner and keep you from moving forward so others can see His light as well.

Praying for you,

~Matthew

2 comments:

Donna Schultz said...

Oh, Matt! Amen and Amen. If you knew my history, you would know how much these words resonated with me. I have recently had to remove myself from a toxic relationship with someone in my family of origin. Years of weeping and gnashing of teeth finally consummated in God giving me the release to walk away. Sometimes, after much prayer, it's what we must do, for ourselves and for the generations to come. Good word again, brother!

Duane Scott said...

Thank you, Matt, for linking to Unwrapping His Promises.

And God bless you for having such a clear vision on this important issue.

It's one of the hardest things to do though, to identify who is toxic and not, because sometimes they sneak in using cunning words and suddenly, we're thinking negative.

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