Wait, let me think of something else.

Something hit me hard today. I was asked if I had any prayer requests by a friend online. Prayer has been on my heart a lot, and as always, so has the Holiness of God. My prayers don't often take shape into minor requests (though sometimes they do, as He welcomes us to come to Him for everything), sometimes they're big, but often lately I ask for Him to show me His will in a given situation. I do pray for peace a lot, and pray often that I can remember to draw from His strength, not my own.

So when I heard this request, my heart typed in: "Pray that I can be desperate for Jesus"

Then I hit backspace rather than enter.

Woah! Hold on Matt. I want to be desperate for Jesus? It reminded me of the prayer "Whatever it takes Father, make me like Jesus!" Whatever it takes? Desperate for Jesus? These are big words, and big prayers.

Often when in the moment of being shaped, I see it as pain. Going through loss, fear, agony, or terror are not choice situations for me (nor anyone that I'm aware of). Yet I've been through loss. I've been through fear. I've been through agony. I've been through terror. I know the human response is often wanting to compare our conditions to others. However for me, these were real emotions, even if others somewhere sometime can 'top me'. Whatever your trial is, don't compare it to others, it's your trial, and it's significant to you.

Could He shape me through blessings? Could I fall humbly at the feet of Christ in thanksgiving feeling desperate for Him? Sure. I absolutely think that. However my story shows that most of my growth has come through trials, fires, and being refined. Something I speak and write of often.

So here I sit, with His hands open asking me to Trust Him. Could it hurt? Yes. Will it hurt without purpose? No. Will I grow? Yes. So am I ready to grow?

“Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.” (Isaiah 12:2 ESV) 

Prayer request sent ...

I trust You