I love checking boxes! I really do!
I'm organized, usually somewhat caught up in my tasks, and am always looking to find the next thing that is going to make me more efficient. My inbox at work is usually fairly empty as most of my items I file into my task manager, assign priorities, due dates, and keep my workload focused (as much as I can). Household tasks, maintenance and projects, homeschooling, daily routines, etc. are all managed in an application I found that works perfectly with my brain!
I'm a task master ... but no, not that guy from Marvel!
Now, before you go rolling your eyes thinking I'm painting some picture of perfect organization I will remind you that I have a family of 6 ... including one very busy 3 year old! I think I need as much attempted organization to just keep the wheels on the bus because in reality, it's never quite like it is on paper. But I try ... and being a rather organized person, I don't mind the adventure ... usually! :)
Organization is probably one of my greatest strengths ... and one of my greatest weaknesses.
It leads me at times down a path of control, frustration, exhaustion, and even sometimes depression. I often carry burdens I have no need to carry, and try to accomplish things that need not be accomplished. I set my goals high, but often at a level that is unachievable.
However, for the first time in a long time I feel free again.
Do you know that scene in Good Will Hunting (spoiler alert!) where his counselor let him know the abuse that he suffered was not his fault? He responded with "Yeah, I know" ... seeing an opportunity his counselor kept pushing ... and repeating ... "It's not your fault." ... until this hardened character got more angry and this probing into his heart until he broke ... broke down in sobbing tears as knowledge made it's way from the mind, to the heart.
I say that to relate to you how I have felt for the past few years. I heard people say, pastors say, books read, Scripture reveal that "God loves me". And my response was understanding, accepting, and confident that "I know".
However knowing God loves you and feeling He does is a completely different experience. It's as if that probing reality hit me at a deeper level ... God loves me.
Love Breaks Legalism
Legalism ... that task managing system that steers you away from Jesus.
... and you know what's interesting? Remember those struggles I mentioned earlier about how me being a task master has impacted me in a negative way? Cleaving to Jesus and His Word has been reshaping my entire system ... not because I'm letting organization consume me less, but because I'm letting Him consume me more.
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. - Matthew 6:33