This isn't a journal entry that I'm real happy about sharing but I have a feeling at least some of you may be able to relate. So the phone rings last week and I find out that my wife was in a car accident. She thankfully tells me that she and the kids are fine, but because she hit the trailer hitch on the guy in front of her (who stopped suddenly to avoid a pothole) that his truck was fine, but the hitch smashed the light, shattered the grill, and pushed in the steel front bumper on our van among other damage. First of all this journal entry isn't about sympathy; thank you Jesus as I have the money and my family is fine, enough said ... right?
Well that's the problem with the way my stupid brain works sometimes. If she would have called (or sadly I got the news from someone else) that they were seriously injured, I wouldn't have cared about the vehicle one bit. My conversation would have been along the lines of "Honey, I'll be right there, who cares about the van."
However since they were all fine, suddenly it turns into a big frustrated mess in my head. I'm thinking we're heading out for vacation, light smashed, I wasn't planning on cash for a repair, yada yada yada ...
Now granted, I recognized these thoughts and I didn't sit there and vent at my wife, but I was frustrated and I'm sure she felt it. I put my wife in a lose-lose position; she either gets hurt, or has to hear frustration from me if she's not. What I love about our marriage is that I can talk to her about this, share my messed up thinking, and let her know that I am not blaming her. Yet it still doesn't fix my mind.
I could probably quote a litany of verses about how I should be thinking and what I should be focusing on, so to me it's not about knowledge of what to do, it's about prayer. It's a simple reminder of my fallen nature, and why prayer is so important in this process of transformation. It's not about head knowledge, it's about the transformation of the mind, and the long journey from there to the heart.
Thank You Father for making me aware of my opportunities to be more like You.
"For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." (Galatians 5:13 ESV)